I've found myself thinking about mortality and Armageddon lately. And I'm not talking about asteroids and Steve Tyler.
I'm talking about the great new depression, food shortages, dwindling power sources, I'm talking about the system breaking, and the ensuing silence as everyone realises 'there's no one there for us anymore". You know what? There never was, kiddo.
It is actually a little exciting. Yes, scary, but I am so curious to see how we react. I do know this: We will react as individuals. We will all react to very personal reasons. We will reach out to loved ones, we will loot, we will get vicious, and we will try to build our own private empires, based on what we personally want. There is no hive. All these things like 'earth day'' are just a sign of those in the know trying to backpedal as we head for a cliff.
Maybe we won't crash. Maybe there'll be a future where I'll have kids and raise them in a normal world, like generations before. But maybe, just maybe, we've lived on the 'do what I want' method for all too long. Imagine that. All the thoughts and hopes you ever had were based upon the knowledge that the world is the way it is. You learn, you work, you find someone, you have kids, and the cycle goes on. I'd actually be sad if I didn't get an opportunity to have kids. But I find that whole apocalypse thought so intriguing. The 'what ifs", the 'what would I do", the 'where would I go", 'how would I set myself up and move onto the next stage of human existence". I guess that's why I like survival horror and zombie movies so damn much!
...
I've also realised of late that whilst I don't believe in heaven, I think I believe in hell. Or maybe I'm just fascinated by the concept of hell. If the rule of all religions was true, there'd be some seriously cool cats hanging out in the 7 spheres of hell. It'd be like bar hopping at the 'coalface of promiscuity" (thanks Russ) with the poster children of decadence. Haha sure, its a light-hearted way to look at it. To be honest, I think when we're dead, we're dead. That's it. Though maybe I believe in ghosts... hmm, I am a little confused over this one.
I think all our concepts of good and evil, voices and such are all part of our psyche. We have evolved into such complex creatures that we even feel the need to struggle within ourselves. It makes us feel alive, the constant choices we have to make. The feelings we have - the delight in acquiescing to our darker desires, the accomplishment in doing the right thing.
Imagine if someone found a way to prove there was no one watching over us. There would be sheer pandemonium, people would not be able to handle the hopelessness of that situation. So many rely on their feelings that someone is listening, they rely on this thought that they can go to a better place when they've lived their life. The realisation that this is all there is would be earth shattering for some. And when they come to terms that this amazing machine that transports their personality, their thoughts, their consciousness, is not just some 'stopover' to purgatory, judgement, or heaven or whatever the fuck it is they believe, they are going to cut loose. They are going to use their minds and their bodies in the way they've always craved.
I think this is one of the reasons I listen to a lot of christian metal. Apart from the fact that they are so very very good at what they do... I love reading about the struggle with their faith, with the idea of sin and right and wrong. My favourite album for this is As Cities Burn's Come Now Sleep. Their singer question whether god listens anymore. He questions the weight of sin, and starts living life like he wants - 'I'm so sick of walking upright". The constant theme of the moon and the sun - the moon or dark side becoming his new sun, his lover, is just so intriguing.
I've never considered myself as an existentialist - in fact I'm sure I've lived most of my life just chasing the next laugh, the next smile, the next good time. But of late I have found my thoughts returning to things along these lines. I'm sure most people would also consider me as fairly one dimensional, and I've never done anything to discourage that. At the end of the day, if the end is nigh, the end is nigh - until then, I'm going to live my life and be as happy as I can. And I really am enjoying life right now.
Smile. You have no other choice!
