Fifteen in...

Hey there, sports fans! And all you fans of other things... It's just over two weeks into the new year, and it's about time I rambled and ranted in my usual non-linear fashion.

Here is my year so far in bullet point form, just to keep things fresh. As fresh as a blog can be, anyways.

in 2009 I have:

• Eaten a whole lot of chicken
• Not gone to the beach once, and I'm getting pretty pissed about that!
• Formed a new band with good friends, and rediscovered my penchant for writing rock riffs
• Continued to run 4 - 5 days a week
• Kissed a rather cute young lady
• Started to freak out about finances at uni... Handjobs for cash, anyone?
• Subsequently been offered a half chance at some casual smart car driving... hell yeah I would like to get paid to listen to my own tunes and drive around for a few hours!
• Sang TLC's Scrub in the shower no less than three times
• Not said 'literally' once, not even in the ironic sense
• Started yet another totally pointless blog

You could say things are looking up, but they're also looking scary. But that's a good thing, I've wasted away the last few years of my life, and it's about time I threw myself in the deep end, got some excitement in my life, and swam away from those in the shallow end (of the gene pool). I.e; the peons that cloud my brain on a daily basis at my place of work. I wrote some 'werdz' about these folk the other day:

'You're all walking into objects,
You spin with your sensors off while you paw at my sleeve
I can see this is how you spend your days,
Headless and hell bent on speaking with nothing to say

I ain't been around for too long
But I know what the rest of us see
We shall speak of a barrel toss
While we watch the apples rot"

It's not much, I know. Maybe it's the start of something, maybe not. But either way, I can taste freedom, and it tastes like tooheys new from a uni tav tap! Just over one month to go!

Anyways, I must apologise for this new entry and its lack of my usual vitriol, and the complete lack of any sort of purpose... but whatever, hey. I do what I want!

I'll leave y'all with a little piece of advice courtesy of my friend who shall be named Montana:

'Hey man, all I know is some people think pickled cucumber tastes better"

'...What?"

'Huh?"

Ahhhh, call of the century!

Take care all, 'til I see you next on the open seas.

Luke Gives Christmas the Royal Flush!

*My friends: Please take the time to read this gibberish the whole way through. I understand many of you have religious beliefs, which I respect. My points may start off as harsh - but there is a point to this rant and you will see I am not a heartless, ignorant, obnoxious or intolerant person. Luff yewww.*


Most of what follows has been taken from conversations with friends and work~mates~ on this day, Tuesday 2nd December 2008.

FUCK. CHRISTMAS.

To help you get purchase on where I am coming from, we need to travel back in time to the year 2007. This time last year, Fletch (my fearless and infuriatingly thick leader) handed out a bunch of santa hats to everyone on the team. The intention was that all members of the team would put their santa hats on whenever she rang this little bell. Now, those of you that have met me are well aware I'm not a fucking dog. I do not perform tricks. I am not a fucking child, I do not require senseless 'activities' to make me squeal and giggle. At this point in time, I informed Fletch as such (in a diplomatic and professional matter), and tried to convey to her that I do not care for christmas outside of my family gatherings and I find such 'team' 'activities' insulting. My points were seemingly met with a degree of confusion.

Fast forward to one year later, and the twit has the nerve to pull the same trick, and question why I wasn't wearing my hat. Yes, I raised my voice a little. This was less than 24 hours after informing the executive assistant I do not wish to participate in 'secret santa" and won't be attending the christmas party.

Now the reason for my lack of participation follows:

Whilst I personally do not believe in jesus and feel nowadays that christmas is really a consumer trap posing as a religious holiday (seriously think about this - when your work puts up decorations, they put up santa hats and stockings for little gifts as opposed to crucifixes), I used to respect the love and giving nature behind the holiday. I respected the fact that it at the crux (here all week, folks) of the thing it was a religious holiday and everybody deserves to celebrate their own faith, beliefs and values in peace.

HOWEVER! I have found that all meaning and sincerity behind this tradition has gone. The season should be about sharing your love with your family and friends, and helping those in need. It shouldn't be about the incessant fake wishing of happy holidays, appeasing sensitive co-workers or acquiescing to the ignorant assumptions of our mindless society that everybody loves christmas and everyone should be best friends with everyone else.

Here's something for you, my co-workers. I GET PAID TO BE HERE. I don't want to be here. I don't want to spend my hard earned cash on you, when I'm struggling to think of what I should get for my darling little sisters. I spend 40 hours of my life each week with you, and barely get to see all of my friends and family throughout the year. Why would I want to go to some function and watch you all get drunk and obnoxious (more than you are already)?

Christmassy bullshit is being pushed on me, and anybody who knows me will understand I do not like these sheep-like expectations being rammed down my throat.

Please, leave me the fuck alone to give love, presents and time to those that truly matter: My friends and family.

Maybe if everyone followed my lead perhaps we would all find this time of year a lot more relaxing, like it was supposed to be. Christians, Catholics, celebrate your faith. Non-denominational and vaguely god-believing fans of christmas, celebrate the relationships you have with the people that you care for.

Leave the fake ceremony and insincere gestures behind, and count me out.

Much love, and happy holidays to my loved ones. PEACE OUT!

Cast Off For the Shores of Oblivion Aboard the Spaceship Chocolate Cake

Today at 4.50pm whilst walking along Stirling Street next to a bunch of the '5-0" I consumed some 'cake". MMM-mmm!

It really hit me on my drive to IGA for dinner supplies... Shit got really rough inside IGA. On the way back I found it hard to stop talking and singing to myself (about things such as the 4wd in front of me), so I had to wind up the windows to stop everyone from listening to me.

I created the most awesome chicken salad in history and passed out on the couch by 9pm.

Anything to break the endless loop eh? Possibly one of the funniest weeknights ever!

Trouble at the Delta

Forgive me for being cynical and foul mouthed, but it has been a motherfucker of a year.

There have been times in my life when I have been what I could only described as a breezy, indifferent and self righteous cunt - particularly when it came to women. Now, hold on a minute. It wasn't on purpose, it wasn't a case of me trying to be decidedly malicious.

Looking back, I'm certain my behaviour was more a coping mechanism designed by my subconscious to prevent me from realising how lonesome i was and how directionless my life had become. People were hurt, including myself. After quite some time lost in a haze of one decadent weekend after the next, I pulled myself together and remembered what I really was. A nice guy.

I'm not just saying that. I'm not trying to pull sympathy votes and I'm not being ironic or self-deprecating. I'm a real life nice guy. I'm not one of those boring, straight laced nice guys who are afraid of all things daring, rough and left of center either.

So... WHAT. THE. FUCK!?!
Seriously, what the fuck.

This year I've been gifted with a couple of opportunities to give something a shot, actually open myself up. Not all good opportunities, mind - there are some real dropkicks out there. However I was pretty happy with myself for actually throwing myself out there. Only to be left hanging, and feeling pretty stupid.

I'm not sure what it is about people who have been let down by douchebags before, but they rarely seem to notice a genuine opportunity when they see it. Maybe because I'm not some athletic aryan model or some tall dark and handsome lad who has fooled a lot of girls into thinking he is edgy and deep (by saying very little at all). On the other hand, I've been led to believe I'm alright. I can hold a conversation, I'm genuinely interested in what others have to say and I'm relatively fucking intelligent, although lacking a tertiary education at this point of the game. So what the fuck.

What is my point you say? There is no point to this rant, Hotkeys O'Shaugnhessy. This is one of millions of insignificant and completely meaningless blogs on this here interweb. I'm just babbling about my year.

2008 is slowly drawing to a close. And with the final countdown to midnight on the 31st, will end the year I had hoped for many better things.

However, i guess you could say I achieved a lot in 2008, especially compared to the last 5 years. Car, uni application, fitness, fun fun possessions... it all means close to fuck all, though.

I really want to be part of something again.

Speaking Underwater

I have no love for myself,
and I'll never have love for anyone else
I will always be the seafarer
Wishing for eyes as complex as their bearer

With clean lungs we draw our breaths
With bruised hearts we count our steps
With torn hands you clutch your chest
Knowing only time knows you best

We're slowly dying

We're slowly dying

We're slowly dying

I can hear the seabirds crying out:

We're alone, all of us together
Slowly sinking while we sleep

Swimming with millstone necklaces, and shots with Jim Morrison

I've found myself thinking about mortality and Armageddon lately. And I'm not talking about asteroids and Steve Tyler.

I'm talking about the great new depression, food shortages, dwindling power sources, I'm talking about the system breaking, and the ensuing silence as everyone realises 'there's no one there for us anymore". You know what? There never was, kiddo.

It is actually a little exciting. Yes, scary, but I am so curious to see how we react. I do know this: We will react as individuals. We will all react to very personal reasons. We will reach out to loved ones, we will loot, we will get vicious, and we will try to build our own private empires, based on what we personally want. There is no hive. All these things like 'earth day'' are just a sign of those in the know trying to backpedal as we head for a cliff.

Maybe we won't crash. Maybe there'll be a future where I'll have kids and raise them in a normal world, like generations before. But maybe, just maybe, we've lived on the 'do what I want' method for all too long. Imagine that. All the thoughts and hopes you ever had were based upon the knowledge that the world is the way it is. You learn, you work, you find someone, you have kids, and the cycle goes on. I'd actually be sad if I didn't get an opportunity to have kids. But I find that whole apocalypse thought so intriguing. The 'what ifs", the 'what would I do", the 'where would I go", 'how would I set myself up and move onto the next stage of human existence". I guess that's why I like survival horror and zombie movies so damn much!

...

I've also realised of late that whilst I don't believe in heaven, I think I believe in hell. Or maybe I'm just fascinated by the concept of hell. If the rule of all religions was true, there'd be some seriously cool cats hanging out in the 7 spheres of hell. It'd be like bar hopping at the 'coalface of promiscuity" (thanks Russ) with the poster children of decadence. Haha sure, its a light-hearted way to look at it. To be honest, I think when we're dead, we're dead. That's it. Though maybe I believe in ghosts... hmm, I am a little confused over this one.

I think all our concepts of good and evil, voices and such are all part of our psyche. We have evolved into such complex creatures that we even feel the need to struggle within ourselves. It makes us feel alive, the constant choices we have to make. The feelings we have - the delight in acquiescing to our darker desires, the accomplishment in doing the right thing.

Imagine if someone found a way to prove there was no one watching over us. There would be sheer pandemonium, people would not be able to handle the hopelessness of that situation. So many rely on their feelings that someone is listening, they rely on this thought that they can go to a better place when they've lived their life. The realisation that this is all there is would be earth shattering for some. And when they come to terms that this amazing machine that transports their personality, their thoughts, their consciousness, is not just some 'stopover' to purgatory, judgement, or heaven or whatever the fuck it is they believe, they are going to cut loose. They are going to use their minds and their bodies in the way they've always craved.

I think this is one of the reasons I listen to a lot of christian metal. Apart from the fact that they are so very very good at what they do... I love reading about the struggle with their faith, with the idea of sin and right and wrong. My favourite album for this is As Cities Burn's Come Now Sleep. Their singer question whether god listens anymore. He questions the weight of sin, and starts living life like he wants - 'I'm so sick of walking upright". The constant theme of the moon and the sun - the moon or dark side becoming his new sun, his lover, is just so intriguing.

I've never considered myself as an existentialist - in fact I'm sure I've lived most of my life just chasing the next laugh, the next smile, the next good time. But of late I have found my thoughts returning to things along these lines. I'm sure most people would also consider me as fairly one dimensional, and I've never done anything to discourage that. At the end of the day, if the end is nigh, the end is nigh - until then, I'm going to live my life and be as happy as I can. And I really am enjoying life right now.

Smile. You have no other choice!

'Do you think this was an accident?" (Best holiday ever)

BOOM! There's the flavour!

So last week Matthew P Watt, Mooch Man Milo and myself hung out in Melbourne. It was undeniably the best holiday I have ever had. Seriously, fuck!

*Please note: The following will make very little sense and will be poorly written and constructed. I do what I want.*

The whole idea was to fly to Melbs, hang out for a week and watch Underoath on the Wednesday night. Amazing as UO were, it didn't even turn out to be the high point of the week.

*'You don't get to be this good looking by mistake"
*'BOOM! There's the flavour"
*'She's only sevennnnteeeeEEEn"
*'Couch guy is back!"

Hot diggity, we ate, drank and shopped so much. Best burger in the world: From grill'd. Damn, that was epic. Close second goes to Lord of the Fries' veggo mini burger. Handrolls a plenty. Eggs benedict off Collins lane, the guy thought he hell sold us into eating there. We had just had enough of looking for the best breakfast deal. But you know, good job buddy.

American Apparel is the greatest store. Matty spent $1000 there. I kid you not. Almost bought myself a pair of grey and purple Tigers. So so close. Oh yes, they will be mine.

First night there we drank 15 cheapass bourbons and coke** each. $5ea at our backpacker's bar. Combine cheap booze with a game of drink stacks, and 3 boisterous young guys and POW! Shit gets real. Best backpackers bar ever, just made the place so much friendlier, and made it so much easier for us to corrupt the minds of all those around us. By the end of the week almost everybody there was giving us that 'oh hey you... you crazy bastard" nod of acknowledgement in the corridors.
**We concluded on the first night, that it is not 'Bourbon and Cokes", rather 'Bourbons and Coke". Much like 'Govenors General". Thanks for playing.

AND STOP! NOW, GO:

......'That's wifey, right there".....

There must be something about being on holiday, where you show your true self and communicate with new people without feeling the need to filter your speech. I know back home when I talk to people I don't know, I tone myself down for fear of being too full on. Not on holiday though, you exist without stress and anxiety. And you talk to people you normally think wouldn't want your time.

Miss South Australian Future Wife... oh my GOD. What a lady.

Moochy found himself a Melbourne lady, hello interstate love! Seriously, 4 days in town and he found a keeper. Pity about the longitude!

This was on the last night, no less. We spent most of the day going our own way and chilling out as much as we can - 4 days of non stop walking around and liver abuse does take its toll. Next thing you know, we are breezing through cheap bourbons, chatting to strangers and having a damn good time. Shortly before midnight, we roll to Next to catch up with our good friends, and proceed to tear that place apart! The photo guy was doing shots with us, Matty was telling the BCE guy to play Elora Danan, and we were going mental to Dammit. Biggest and best rage ever.

Us Perth kids know how to dance, don't you forget that, fair Melbourne!

I miss that place so bad already.

In other news, Walking Dead is getting fucking intense! Greatest comic series, ever.
I'm also craving some Thomas Huxley, to stimulate my mind.
Uni next year... scary as hell!

People who take more than 1 minute to complete an ATM transaction should be given a giant electric shock. Seriously, it's not rocket science you knob jockey! Hurry up!

So anyway... I'd say this is probably it for now. I'm back home, existing as i was before. Just a little better dressed.

Fuck.