Trouble at the Delta

Forgive me for being cynical and foul mouthed, but it has been a motherfucker of a year.

There have been times in my life when I have been what I could only described as a breezy, indifferent and self righteous cunt - particularly when it came to women. Now, hold on a minute. It wasn't on purpose, it wasn't a case of me trying to be decidedly malicious.

Looking back, I'm certain my behaviour was more a coping mechanism designed by my subconscious to prevent me from realising how lonesome i was and how directionless my life had become. People were hurt, including myself. After quite some time lost in a haze of one decadent weekend after the next, I pulled myself together and remembered what I really was. A nice guy.

I'm not just saying that. I'm not trying to pull sympathy votes and I'm not being ironic or self-deprecating. I'm a real life nice guy. I'm not one of those boring, straight laced nice guys who are afraid of all things daring, rough and left of center either.

So... WHAT. THE. FUCK!?!
Seriously, what the fuck.

This year I've been gifted with a couple of opportunities to give something a shot, actually open myself up. Not all good opportunities, mind - there are some real dropkicks out there. However I was pretty happy with myself for actually throwing myself out there. Only to be left hanging, and feeling pretty stupid.

I'm not sure what it is about people who have been let down by douchebags before, but they rarely seem to notice a genuine opportunity when they see it. Maybe because I'm not some athletic aryan model or some tall dark and handsome lad who has fooled a lot of girls into thinking he is edgy and deep (by saying very little at all). On the other hand, I've been led to believe I'm alright. I can hold a conversation, I'm genuinely interested in what others have to say and I'm relatively fucking intelligent, although lacking a tertiary education at this point of the game. So what the fuck.

What is my point you say? There is no point to this rant, Hotkeys O'Shaugnhessy. This is one of millions of insignificant and completely meaningless blogs on this here interweb. I'm just babbling about my year.

2008 is slowly drawing to a close. And with the final countdown to midnight on the 31st, will end the year I had hoped for many better things.

However, i guess you could say I achieved a lot in 2008, especially compared to the last 5 years. Car, uni application, fitness, fun fun possessions... it all means close to fuck all, though.

I really want to be part of something again.