Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Swept out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef?

Oh hi, I didn't see you there!

So again it has been a while since I have written, but I have been pretty damn distracted lately. I've had a whole lot of shit go right and a whole lot of shit go wrong so things have been hectic! I don't even have a particular rant in mind today, so we'll just see how this thing goes...

Any of you that have seen me in the last month would probably know my car got bruuuutally (juntjuntSCREEE...duggadugga) t-boned, and is now written off. My insurance company now tell me after 3 weeks of waiting for the yard's determination of my car as a total loss, they will do their own assessment and settlement of the whole fucking thing could take another month. Two months without a car. Two months of still paying my loan and insurance without a car to enjoy. For fucks sake! I have to admit I'm 100% guilty of letting this get me down a little, and derailing my thoughts. I made the last month of uni extra hard on myself because of this. But I will come firing out of the blocks next semester, I know it. I've learnt my lesson here!

I've also let myself be distracted by a situation I've been trying to avoid. My friends will know over the last year I've actually tried a little bit of dating, instead of totally avoiding it. I had some setbacks but at the end of the day, the people that I dated weren't really meant for me and I'm not even sure why I tried. I guess I was trying to make my life a little more 'normal'. Haha as if that is possible! ...Ok, well that all changes NOW:

Over the course of last weekend I allowed myself to admit I had developed real feelings for someone. Not just a 'we should go on a date because we get along okay and we're attracted to each other" (at some point in our lives we all have to realise that is not a valid reason, you'll meet hundreds of people like this in your life time - just let them be your friends or let them drift away to live their own lives!). This is a situation where we have been on a friends level ever since we met, and despite her obvious beauty and down to earth attitude, I was just happy with her company and let it sit at that. But this thing has been working away inside of me and now I gotta get it out. Today. I am fucking nervous as fuck, I know its not going to go how I'd wished but I think it needs to be heard. I would be undoing all the decent work I've done on pulling myself up to a better place if I allow myself to develop the beginnings of feelings for someone, only to push them down. Fingers crossed... Fuck.

In other news my new band Ibex are hitting the studio for the 3 days of this long weekend! Last night we finished the third song, it seems every time we get to writing one it is another big step in the direction that we want to achieve (but in a totally natural way). It's moody, it's dark, it's soaring, it's crushingly heavy, it's melodic. I don't even know how it happened but this band makes me feel so inspired, and so natural. Cannot wait!!!

So that's me up to date, how are you doing? I'll leave you with this one thought:
Matthew Newton can get fucked, ay.

Catch!