In terms of viscosity:

I enjoy achievement and progress as much as the next person, but fucking hell sometimes I take lethargy to the nth degree.

Cocoa trade...

Howdy,

It's 9.32 on Sunday the 23rd of August. 3 days since my birthday, and interestingly, one week until the anniversary(? pfft) of my first blog. I'm just waiting for the kettle to boil, I haven't had a coffee all day and feel like staying up a little tonight. What of it! The soundtrack for this blog is Thrice - Beggars. Hot damn, this album is tasty. Fairly awesome in parts, even. Cannot wait until this hits the stores. Anyways, its time to get started on that coffee and see if I can take this thing anywhere...

...Ok so I've read through my year's worth of bloggage and I realise it has a rough melancholy vibe to it, which I don't think exactly represents me, so I figure I might as well randomly crap on about what I'm about... I guess.
I think it's pretty important to point out I sort of saw this thing as a good way to get certain things off my chest... sort of as a release. Normally I'm a fairly easy going kind of person, but I'm a normal human being that gets rattled by shit in life, just like everyone else! I think we all need ways to vent.

Earlier, while I was in the kitchen, doing the dishes and watching the cricket, I started to wonder if it was strange that I was into so much sport. Before you say anything, really think if it's such a weird thing to ask? Not specifically the fact that I am into sport, but is it weird to ask questions about certain facets of your personality? To just ask what different things you are, and how you got to be that certain combination that makes you so undeniably YOU... I'd definitely say I'm a combination of a bunch of traits and such I inherited or acquired from people around me while I grew up. If you take sport with me, for instance: I was born in Subi, but grew up in the country. So yes, I love AFL and cricket... but I'm also into rugby. Now that can't be because of my environment, rugby is an east coast thing - which I got from my uncle. So I'm thinking... maybe we're all unique combinations of parts from others around us as we grow up. Maybe that's how we're all so unique, but also somehow able to remind a person of someone else they knew.

It's a pretty interesting thought. It's full of holes so I dunno... There are just a lot of parts to my personality I don't see in my family or my friends.

I've definitely been going through one of my introspective phases lately, where I start to spend a bit too much time thinking and start feeling and even acting a little withdrawn. I don't know what it is. Maybe its some sort of biological highlights reel where I get to ask all sorts of questions about who exactly I am and what the hell it is I am doing with my life. I'm coming out of it now for sure, which is great because I have a hole heap of stuff I need to concentrate on! Assignments are creeping in, and I haven't been paying as much attention as last semester. Band is starting to go well, and I have a lot of material to try and nut out. I still have to sort out a new car. All sorts of things of that nature which sort of get put in the 'later' basket when I'm more distracted by my thoughts.

I've been trying to work out if I am in fact, a strange guy. I'm definitely flawed. Some of those flaws are just bad habits or vices that can be stamped out, some might be fundamental to my character. But strange? Maybe. A good friend and I had this chat once, and he's pretty sure the people at his work see him as the 'strange one' and I'd say he and I are similar on many levels. I think I like being this way. I'm this music obsessed, sport mad, smart-arsed, conflicted, food crazy, argumentative... dude with ridiculous tattoos and tastes who is just trying to work out what the hell he is actually good at... so I can actually go and do whatever that is.

Anyways, we might call this part 1. I might write part 2 again soon, unless I decide to rant about something else.

Like old people in cinemas ('ohhh no" 'watch out" 'ohhh deaarr" 'awwww" 'OHHHHH"). Or something.

Buenos noches!

The Ebb & Flow of the Tide Named 26 Years...

So I should be doing my sociology readings, or doing an assignment... or maybe folding my clean clothes or doing something remotely productive. However two things are standing in my way: the drinks I had at dinner and the million or so thoughts racing around my head right now. I feel rage, I feel confusion, I feel hopelessness, I feel excitement, I feel... the usual.

Tonight I spent some time talking with my parents about the subjects of 'happiness', 'love' and 'purpose'. Are these abstracts the product of social and political developments since The Enlightenment and French Revolution? Did we create them all by ourselves? Or were we as creatures of the natural world always meant to find love? Were we meant to be happy? What the fuck does it even mean to be happy?

I know I feel happy quite often. But I also know I search for something else, I never feel as content as I feel I should be. I lapse into dark moods and short periods of hopelessness, where I wonder how anybody would want to be around me. I know I feel love for my friends and family. I do long for that romantic connection but now I have to wonder whether it exists, or whether I'm capable of recognising and understanding it... am I really even lucky enough? I mean the odds are stacked up against us all as it is. But of all the people I've met, very few aren't interested in just themselves. Most seem hung up on achieving some sort of cliche... I just want to connect, man. I'm not talking about 'oooooh weeee like the saaaame thiinnnnngs OMG". I'm talking about this level: In order to be interesting, you need to be interested in something. You need to be living your life as you want it. Nothing is more intruiging to me. If you stick to what you know, you'll never discover a damn thing.

But none of us out there even let it get to this point. We're hung up on superficiality, we're hung up on greed. We're all slaves to wants and perceived needs, we're all just chasing the happiness dragon. When does it stop? I certainly have no idea. Is it my fault I overcomplicate life and can't seem to satisfy some incomprehensible, insatiable need for whatever the fuck it is I crave?

I honestly don't even know what that is.